great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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