how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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