Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
