is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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