Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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