i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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