you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
