you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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