How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
