I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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