Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
