i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
