Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
