We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
