me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
