If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
