Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
sarcasm needs its own font
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
