Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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