So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
