i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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