I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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