she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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