david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize