So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
