why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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