Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
