i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
