i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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