I puked a lego.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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