Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
