Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
