he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
