I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
