Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
two words: eviction party
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i now understand why vodka
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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