Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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