I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
