We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The uberlube is also flammable
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
