I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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