Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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