What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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