ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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