DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
