i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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