Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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