i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
