Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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