census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
