i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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