Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
