the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
