Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
