summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
