I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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