I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
