We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
