i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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