..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
