It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
