its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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