I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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