That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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