he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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