U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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