i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
