Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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