oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I bet he comes in French.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My dick has a subreddit
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
