so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
