I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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