Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
