What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
