We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
