I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
