I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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