Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
