I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
