I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
