I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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