I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
