: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize