Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
