I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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