I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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