This dress was meant to end up on your floor
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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