cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
