haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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