He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize