what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize