I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
