I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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