$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
