i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize