OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
