yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
