I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
