Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
