I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
