I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
