My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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