I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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