Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
