I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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