after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
