I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
