Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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