Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
