So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Holy sore nipples Batman
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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