If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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