Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
