yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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