I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize