my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
