I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
