Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
