I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
